also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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