Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
