so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
