the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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