Im at strip club and am horny
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
