i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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