Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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