i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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