i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
