I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
