Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
