I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
