What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
