Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
