It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
