He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
