So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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