Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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