I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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