This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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