WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
