so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
