hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
