it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
