smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So vagazzling was a success
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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