.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
