Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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