I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
