i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
