I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
