Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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