One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
