come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
