We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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