Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
