Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
