I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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