Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
