Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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