if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
no you cant smoke seaweed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
