plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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