I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
