I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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