Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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