You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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