her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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