im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
