she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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