when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
