honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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