I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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