obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she peed on how many people?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
